1. People who are cool, and 2. People who are geeks.
Cool people can simply get through the day. They like things, they may have some hobbies. They probably work out, take care of their bodies. They live life in moderation. What's cool about them is that they actually can handle life. They assess those around them with accuracy and they are helpful to their friends. Of course they have emotional times, but these times aren't their driving force. They have answers. Life isn't mysterious. It is simply life. There are the normal things to work out, jobs, living arrangements and all of that, but if a person is cool they handle these things well. They are not neurotic. They have the potential to be happy with life, but would never flaunt it energetically. They are self-contained, self-satisfied and I believe to be content with existence.
Geeks are not cool. Nothing about them. They could be admired from like-minded others, or even cool people. But they are never cool. They are fanatics. When they love something, they know every last detail. They collect their favorite things. The keep track of what they care about. They may not know everything about everything, but when it comes to pet subjects, there isn't a fact that they can't quote. And when geeks meet up together, their energy is palatable. Arguing, excitement, comparing, contrasting usually goes on. Geeks know way too much trivia. They have a harder time getting their lives together, maybe because they are too busy studying, I don't know. The worst thing is that a lot of times I think they try to portray coolness and they fail. Are they happy in their bodies? Maybe not.
Obviously, I am a geek. I have pet subjects, which I am proud to know a lot about. Astrology, Disney, MST3K, Elvis. Gosh. Reading these back to myself is kind of embarrassing, and there are so many more subjects that I simply can't get enough of. I don't ever LOOK good, because I spent way too much of my life reading or watching movies. And not having all the information about some nerdy thing that I care about kills me. I have to know everything. About people that I love, I wonder: What makes them tick? When is their birthday? Why do they make those choices? And on and on. I get hurt by people. If I were cool, people couldn't get to me the way that they do. I take things personally.
Shaun is cool. Raylene is cool. There is no other word for me to use but that. Yes, I have witnessed moments of craziness from them, but generally their lives are well maintained and enjoyed. Getting through a day, for me, is like an obstacle course, with wild emotions, frustrations etc. And in group settings, I'm completely wild with delight because I'm an extroverted geek. I want to tell stories about things, make announcements, talk about important issues, all with overwhelming intensity. That I cannot control. Shaun has the ability to be casual. Yes, that's it. That's part of the coolness, being casual. I think a lot of the geeks that I know can't be casual. It's all or nothing, which gets them hurt.
Some people are hybrids of the two, different situations bring out different sides. But after four years of trying my hardest to be cool, failing miserably, and feeling miserable because I internalize everything, I surrendered to my geeky side. This was yesterday. And I am so much happier. I may never feel completely comfortable, easy, simple, satisfied. But I have all of my pet subjects to keep me going, bouts of mania for others to enjoy, and a renewed sense of self. Yes I've wandered through the valley of coolness, at Shaun's side. But I was never given even a guest pass.
And I can, from the vantage point of geekville, admire and enjoy the cool people. I will think about what they could be thinking about and wonder what makes them tick. All the while knowing that they will never spend much of their thoughts on me.
1 comment:
What about those who are "chill?"
It's like being cool, but they listen to more rap music.
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